Asiah Razali

I dreamt of you last night. You and her. Her Someone who I've been admiring all this while She is a strong lady Through all hardships She keeps smiling Trusting that everything will be better And I hope the same for her too I've only known her from afar But enough for me to admire her Is it pity what I really felt instead of admire? Because in my dream I told you To go after her

Sometimes I questioned myself why did I ever indulge in love? When I know I shouldn't be... Why did I ever fell in love? When I know I could avoid it... Is it worth the pain that I'll suffer aftermath? I never have the exact answer for this..  Because sometimes there are still a part of my heart clinging, asking and needing the love. Like it is a drug. A drug that I need to survive.

Guess there is still a trace of love . Or is it just lust Or maybe love never exist... And it was just lust from the start. I'm never sure what love really is anyway..

He who I thought is the one, is not the one anymore.

That 22 minutes conversation, we used to have it longer. Even with stupid talks. But tonight, it was filled with pauses and silence .. I wonder why it happens this way ? Is the magic gone? Or we've changed. We've gone through long way, Enough for me to protect what we've, To protect us, But I guess, It doesn't enough for you, Because you request me to get rid of my needs. To ignore my needs, Is to ignore my feelings, Am I the one who is being inconsiderate? I will, I will try, Because I love you, And I trust you. Have a safe journey.

5 November 2014 I am sitting on my bed, leaning against the hard wall and my legs are spread over the small uncomfortable bed. Actually, it’s quite comfortable now since I lined it with medium-thick comforter. At least I don’t feel the iron springs stabbing my back and piercing my sweet dream anymore. It had been raining all day long, the wind, the storm and the lightning take turns and did their job scaring the residents of my college nicely. I yawned a few times already, my body aches for some sleeps. I’m going to sleep soon but my fingers refuse to stop its waltz on the push able floor of qwertyuiop button. I look at my roommate, she’s been sleeping for almost an hour now. I should sleep too. And this is off topic, but I want to have a boyfriend. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling so.

I wonder why did I fall for you? You aren't the same person anymore. Or it is me who have changed? My brain urge me to end this. Maybe because all of this is wrong. It's completely wrong.... Or maybe because I want to know, will you stay or leave? I know I've fall too hard for you. Too deep. Because I hope you stay and hold me tight by your side.